Closure

It’s time to move 🙂

Advertisements

A dream that seems far away

I’m a driven person.

I’m willing to work extra hard to pursue my goals. As a result, I have achieved things that I once didn’t even dare to dream of.

.

In the past 2 years, there is one particular thing that I’ve been wishing for. However, unlike any other dreams, this one seems so far away. I have tried several different attempts. I reached out to people who have gone through similar journey. I educate myself about this situation. I tried to figure out the path with many experts to no avail.

.

This is by far the simplest dream I’ve ever had, yet the most difficult to achieve.

.

I just want to be pain-free.

Empathy

“What a journey you’ve been through,” he said while walking towards my bedside, “I’m sorry you have to go through this.”

I smiled. Honestly, I didn’t expect that kind of greeting.

“I’m honored to serve you,” he smiled.
And that’s it. Those simple words left me speechless. I didn’t question anything like I usually did. I never trusted a doctor the way I trust him now.
Without hesitation, I put my life in his hands, believing that God will heal me through him.

To Fight or Not To Fight

I once told a friend that if cancer manages to come back, I might not want to fight again.

.

I’ve been enduring enough pain for the past 2 years after remission and it ain’t getting better. With that in mind, I just thought that death is not a really bad idea. After all, death would wipe out the pain and suffering, and the only thing left is peace.

Continue reading “To Fight or Not To Fight”

(Disturbing) Lump in My Abdomen

This week has been tough.

I rubbed the lump in my abdomen this morning and I cringed. It’s getting more and more painful. I first noticed the existence of this lump around six months ago; it was just a small lump that didn’t hurt when I pressed. I went to my primary care physician (PCP) in the US and told her about it. She referred me to a radiologist who then conducted a USG test to see the structure.

The result came out as.. Continue reading “(Disturbing) Lump in My Abdomen”

What Hits Me Hard as A Survivor

I was so ready to undergo chemotherapy.

I was in touch with cancer fighters and survivors who kindly share their chemo process and side effects. I was well-informed about the ABVD-chemo procedure. I knew that I would suffer so much from chemo as soon as those toxic regiments dripped and ran through my vein. I was aware that I had to be isolated until I finished my chemo.

Once I was declared in remission and clear from cancer 6 months later, I immediately thought that I could regain my normal life. I was ready to be a survivor.

Or so I thought.

In fact, I was not. At all. Continue reading “What Hits Me Hard as A Survivor”